From: laura@zzyx.ucsc.edu (Laura Hartwick)
Subject: LATE LNPGNL #1
laurah's no purpose gossip newsletter
experimental issue
#1
Letter from the Editor:
well readers, as you can see there is a whole
new thing happening here, and it's not
neccessarily a good thing, but maybe it is. I'm
non-decisive. But I'm trying out a home issue
today. Due to office construction and the fact
that i am leaving my job,the newsletter is in
limbo this week. Any suggestions will be
appreciated. It is possible that I will become an
astrologer, and it may become the astrology
gossip newsletter. Since i change my mind what
i want to be besides an artist when i grow up
like every day, astrologer/gossip spreader
sounds like a pretty good combination, although
i will have to look pretty hard to see if anyone
would pay me to do this. For my readers, it is
always Free and a Complete Bargain!
Today's newsletter takes place in my home
office,which is sort of a dining room with the
ugliest floor in the world but attractive wood
paneling. And I am procrastinating all kinds of
other work to write it, so that is kind of fun. And i
can have my own music on, today featuring
Luscious Jackson and Courtney.
Exon news:
Is everyone clear on the fact that Ms. Dianne
Feinstein voted in favor of this?
Explosion news:
Unabomber is threatening to do some major
damage at LAX, so i would reconsider any
flight plans.
World news:
A defunct nuke plant in Armenia smack in
earthquake territory has been reopened. The
parliment states it was their only choice faced
with the energy blockade imposed by
Azerbijian.
Dog news:
I will be fighting fleas this week with
non-toxic nematodes and sodium
borate. I also found a special on hooves
at K-Mart today-a huge bag only $3.99.
Jake has hurt hips. He will be coming down to
Santa Cruz for xrays tomorow.
Astrology column:
Capricorn-If you feel that control freak impulse
this week, chill it.
Taurus-Don't get hypertense, it will make you
sick sick sick.
Aries-Tsk tsk tsk, impatience can get you into
some uncomfortable spots. Do you like eggs?
Sagitarius-Your zodiac symbol is for Law. But
as the OJ Trial school of Law teaches us, things
must end. Have you finished up your projects?
Leo-Credit card does not income make.
Scorpio-Avoid all urges to sleep away these
times of disruption in your life. Chocolate is
a good substitue for sex in emergencies.
Cancer-SF Chronicle horoscope reports an
exersize session will help you relax. I disagree
and suggest a beer.
Gemini-You are not as lame as you may be
thinking. Tell this to yourself in a non-12 steppy
kind of way.
If your own personal sign of the zodiac is not
represented, that is the because you didn't write
in and say it. It takes time to check out a
horoscope, so it is customized for my readers
benefit, all this for Free.
Contest news:
The winner, after much ponderation, is jawinet!
jawinet answered:
"How about Cyberspace correspondent for the
U.K.'s _Face_ Magazine?"
jawinet, you win your choice of
some art by laura
or
some fake xmas tree branches, as many as you
want, that used to be art.
or
Speedee Oil Change/SF Giants lunch tote that
no one won in the last contest.
If your answer results in laura actually getting
a job, you win a rare autographed picutre of
timmy AND Civ, the cat who normally stays out
of the public limelight.
Thank you to all contestants. If you didn't win
please don't have hard feelings, there will be
many more contests.If you are mad because you
didn't recieve a prize yet, they are in prod-
uction as we speak.
90210 news:
From 90210 cyber correspondant jawinet:
From the 90210 mail list:
Let's face it: Black, White, Hispanic, Oriental,
Asian, gay, straight, male female, tall, short, fat,
thin, etc, etc, etc. There's only one difference
that matters: whether you're a Brenda-lover or a
Brenda-hater.For those of you who haven't voted
send to me by private email at
pczoty@emory.edu
your answer to the following question:
On a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 = total disaster
and 10 = best possible thing of all worlds, how
would 90210 be affected if Brenda Walsh
returned from London and became a regular
character again.
jawinet has offered to keep us posted on
poll results.
Also in 90210 news, Tori Spelling, official
TV virgin, will be playing a prostitute in the
upcoming film _Co-Ed Callgirl_, a true story.
Music news:
Nancy These Boots Sinatra will be singing for
free at the Boardwalk on Friday night. All
readers are invited to attend this concert.
I hope my readers enjoyed my no purpose
newsletter. Help me think of a purpose and you
will win a prize!