laura's data entry gossip newsletter
debate special issue

Special Debate News:
I guess it's not really news that the
debate was kind of boring. But there
were things about it that weren't boring
and were really kind of scarey. I think
the scariest thing is that BobDole has
coaches that turned him into a scarey
clown, like they taught him to grin
in this really horrible way, and with
his Regean Clinique for Men skin bronzer
makeup with subtle blush tints on
his cheeks and extra brow pencil,
I bet he gave millions of kids everywhere
horrible nightmares last night, especially
since he was on so early.

He was really trying to appeal to kids,
he told them a million times not to
use drugs, and at the very end of his
speech, to prove that he isn't a sour
dried up old scarey clown he gave out his
url which is god bless
america, but when I tried it to see if
it was full of horrible scarey clown face
pictures of him I couldn't get in, but
there are like a million dole sites anyways
when you do a search, so I'm not really
sweating it.

Not that Bill doesn't have this pudgy
smirky smile that I guess is what his coaches
gave him, but it's just sort of soft and
fuzzy and non threatening, and his suit
looked better. When they had a split cam
shot of both of them, so you could see
that even though they both had black suits
BobDole's was made by non liberal suitmakers
with a whole different approach to lapels
and shoulders than Bill's. It was like
the ending of Ghostbusters, where there are
two bad guys, the giant Pillsbury Michelin
Marshmallow Guy who is happily sort of
stomping down Central Park West, and the
evil scarey demon Zozer that gets inside
Sigourney Weaver's body and makes her face
all twisted and evil except Sigourney Weaver
is like a thousand times prettier and has
better makeup application than BobDole but
the point is they are both sort of part of
the same evil force but one of them is
kind of cheerful and jogs and the other
one is just really really creepy and can
do more damage since he is a Republican.

They didn't really talk about anything new
and exciting, although BobDole did tell some
funny jokes and make little jabs, and tell
us that if you have a crack baby and are
on welfare you should vote for him because
he was poor unlike Bill who went to private
school even if it was only for two years
with nuns and he lived in a trailer.

But every jab BobDole made was pretty small,
even though he kept them coming all night.
Jim Lehrer totally set him up toward the end
by giving him a chance to completely trash
Bill's character but BobDole sort of passed
the banana on it, just casually mentioning
that he wouldn't mention Bill's bad character
and whitewater and his pot smoking past.

At the end they trotted out the Dole family
(WHY do they have to keep trotting out scarey
Robin?) who wore the festive circus colors to
keep with the scarey clown theme, and the
Clintons all in black keeping with I'm not
sure what theme since they don't look like
typical dress all in black people you see
in NY and at openings and in my closet
and Chelsea with an amanda-suit on except
her skirt was more pleated than tight since
she is under 18.

They had little cameos of the veeps at the
end, Jack Kemp looking like some guy who
would own a big steakhouse, and Al Gore
who sat perfectly still and looked like
a deer caught in headlights since I think
his little ear mic was broken, or else he
just completely had no clue and was randomly
jabbering off topic due to cluelessness and
not sound problems.

Stay tuned for those bad boy's big debate
from Florida this week....

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