From: (Laura Hartwick)
Subject: LDEGNL #9

laura's data entry gossip newsletter
#9 5/23/95

Big news:
According to the SF Chron, it is highly likely
that giant asteroids could possibly come flailing
into planet earth and destroy all life as we know
it. This actually happened on Jupiter, where there
probably wasn't any life, but anyways, each little
asteroid particle has the thermonuclear energy of
a trillion H-bombs.
So brave scientists are meeting to plan a nice
shiny new shielding device (ala star wars?) that
will protect us all from the evil asteroid attack.

Other news:
I saw a smashed black snake in the street as i was
walking to the bus stop this morning. I don't know
what it had been doing slithering around a busy street
though. I guess it was lost.

Melrose update:
Ok, ending first-Kimberley stands holding the
detonator of the complex bombing system that she
built all thru the apartment complex. It was unclear
whether this was a skill she learned at the No More
Victims camp, or whether it is something most
surgeons learn in doctor school. Or i guess she
could have just read a book.
Jo, bad choice as usual in boyfriends.
Jake and Jess last seen flying off tall building.
Allison tried to stop the wedding of Brook and Billy
but Billy blew her off, she was last seen blasting
stereo in her apartment obliviously drunkly ignoring
Michael and Sid's evacuation attempt.
Poor Matt dodo got sucked in by evil doctor married
boyfriend and is now framed for the wife's murder.
Dr. Peter jack wagner frisco Burns returned and is out
of jail and totally scammed Kimberly to get out of the
doctor ousting hearing. He also got michael out of
jail for the same purpose.
Jane has a new rich fashion backing boyfriend who got
his start as a calvin klein model and attended usc.
Kimberly made a very creative bloody lipstick collage
on her motel bathroom mirror and has her very own
schizophrenic mirror pal (ala twin peaks bob).
List of people about to be blown up:
Kimberly, Sid, Michael, Brook, Billy, Amanda,
Jo, Dr.Peter, Allison, Jane, Mr. Hart, Ms.
Mackenzie (fashion designer ex-wife)
to be continued next season.
Best line in Melrose:
Dr. Peter to Kimberly
"You've been guest starring in several of my
sexual fantasies lately."

News news:
Yerba Buena High School in San Jose burned
the other day. The only rooms that were
totally destroyed were the computer lab and
the art classroom.

Dog news:
Timmy got very upset when Kyle the unfriendly
PG&E man came to deal with our (imaginary?)
gas leak. He had to be shut in the bedroom
or risk suffering an asthma/barking attack.
(Timmy, not Kyle) If you had met and spent a
whole hour with unfriendly Kyle, you wouldn't
have blamed Timmy for this violent reaction.

Congratulations Winners!
So far there are 3 winners of the sticker
contest-khewald, slmullaney and barborama.
There is still time to send in those answers to
the question posed in issue #8. You might win
a sticker!

New pet news(mews)(apologies to cuteness police
but i may be turning into my mother):
One of our readers, well actually two, donna and
birdie who jointly form rsh, have a new kitten.
His name is Mo and he is tiger striped with
white paws and he is very cute.

In case any of my readers wonder why i don't
give out news about my own personal cat, the
answer is she does not really like publicity.
But i will say this, she is doing just fine
and has a hole in the back yard she likes to
sleep in during the day. You might spot us every
night at around 11-12 pm when myself, Timmy, and
Civacet take our walk around the neighborhood
together. If you happened to be in our neigh-

News news:
Japanese carmakers say the only thing wrong
with their seatbelts is that americans are
slobs and food and gunk get down in the seat-
belt thing and are disintegrating them.
So be safe, wear a driving bib and don't spill.

til tomorow! (prepare for no newsletter next
monday, university holiday!)

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