Coverage Day Six (Olympic Day 10) | |
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I got a personal email the other day from Martha Stewart. She signed it "cordially, Martha Stewart". She was looking forward to sharing Japan's rich culture and tradition with me. Martha has been in Nagano since the first week of February "covering" the Olympics for cbs, i guess you have to watch morning tv to actually see her covering them, but lucky for me she has a photographer with a digital camera following her around and throwing stuff up on her website. It's in the scrapbook section, where she also recommends putting dried flowers up if you don't happen to have a wire service photographer with a digital camera with you at all times. After Martha's cordial invitation, of course I visited. I'm fully down with Martha's olympic coverage, mostly what she does is get fed sushi, get driven around in a minivan (in Manhattan she drives herself around in a Range Rover-I know this for a fact from my friend Chris who has brushes with fame almost every day from living in a hipster downtown neighborhood and whose wife is a stylist who had to see Martha naked once on a shoot), and photograph architectural details on old farmhouses. She did visit one event, some speed skating, but she cried when everyone didn't get a medal. Martha is so democratic. Her weeping tends to upset the atheletes though, who think it's because of their outfits and it ruins their concentration, so that's why they only got her passes to one event and then exile her out into the countryside where there are farmhouses galore. Luckily Picabo was on before the x-files last night, unlucky for her though she skiied a little too slowly and didn't win. My boyfriend has a secret crush on her, so we had to watch almost all of the skiiers to make sure that she wouldn't find some way to sneak into the medals (duh), which she didn't, and good thing too because x-files was all about William Gibson and a cyberpunk uma with Darryl Hannah makeup job and particle beams. We also watched the flying guys ski jumping, and pondered their suits. They wear these ill fitting foam type suits that i guess must be aerodynamic and help them stay afloat in the air maybe. They looked like something they should have issued all Titanic passengers to keep them warm and buoyant in the freezing ocean instead of turning into little bobbing frozen heads. I was thinking that if cbs's ratings get worse because of their lame ass balding olympic commenators, they could drastically improve them with a Titanic tie in, and borrow those suits and have an ocean rescue fun(d)raising event in a nagano pond where US champs like Picabo and Jonny Mosely and even Todd Eldridge, bless his little non medal winning heart, could scurry around in life boats and pick up extras wearing period costume (over ski jumping suits) while Norweigan cross country skiiers chase them on jet skis, armed with pies and James Cameron provides running commentary he wrote himself. The olympic champion who saves the most extras without getting hit by any pies before the bell rings wins Leonardo DiCaprio for a night.
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